Auto Erotic

I have been to a variety of live entertainment events, but this was the first time I have ever been to a burn out contest. The church that I frequent holds an annual car show and tire burn, but I have never quite fully comprehended it's appeal before today. Yes, my church is unorthodox in sponsoring such an event, but they want to reach out to those who would not normal feel welcomed in a house of worship. No bingo players or potluck eaters here. Nothing conventional about this place. Or the people who were in attendance.

It was a beautiful dog day afternoon. I was styling in my new marimekko tee shirt and had worn my biker boots to fit in with the crowd. Hubby and I took our sons and a couple spare neibhoorhood boys and hit the place full of ethuseasim. The kids soon left us to shop the vendors and admire the rows of gleaming cars and motorcycles . Hubby and I ate pork chops on a stick and danced to some blues rock music the band played from the roof of the church. Ok, I danced around my husband, as he stood there trying not to look embarrassed.

It was worth going to just to people watch. It is a different caliber of people who attend car shows. Lots of middle aged women squeezed into too tight of jeans and dirty leather halter tops. Men with mullets wearing faded tee shirts that read, "Have a good day, fuck someone!" or better yet, "Show me your tits bitch." I watched one befuddled man, carrying a twenty once beer stagger between rows of cars until he came to the front doors of the church, where he proceeded to sway his way inside, still holding his beverage. He immediately came back out and looked up to read the name of the church on the huge sign over the building. Shaking his head, he set his bottle gently in the large sand ashtray on the side of the door and entered again. His beer was safe until he came back out to finish it.

We were front and center on the bleachers when the tire burn out started. A special slab of concrete had been poured for the event and the concrete barriers kept us all safe. For two and a half hours, contestants from all over the states lined up their vehicles for their chance to strut their stuff. The fire truck stood close by, as one by one, the took their turn on the strip.Holding their front brakes on, the revved their engines, causing their back tires to spin and smoke. The more smoke they created, the louder we cheered, and if they managed to blow their tires we roared. "Mom, are you ok? You look kinda sunburned. Oops! Sorry Mom, didn't mean to drop my sticky icy on yah. It will wash out. Does your nose feel like it is coated in hot rubber too? I gotta pee. The loud rumbling of the engines cause my bladder to vibrate. Take me now." "There, K2, the bathrooms are right in there. I'm going to look at this tricked out jeep while you go. Be right here when you come out." I am looking at the car of my dreams. a jacked up red jeep CJ7 customized. I walk by too close and hit its chromed side mirror and bend it slightly ascrew. I frantically try to straighten it before it's owner spots me raping his car. Proud car owners are very peticular about people touching their babies. "Kay!" I hear a male voice close by my ear. No one calls me by this shorten form of my name. It is to intimate, too public, I am momentarily at loss. "Hey Kay, do you like what you see?" It is Bills voice. Only he ever called me that. I do not want to turn to face him. I cannot wait to spin and get a look at him. "Bill! You know what I like. " The juvenile little girl inside me could not resist. She prayed he could not see her soul shaking on the inside. We had both shared a common love of jeeps. And of each other. I should of known such a beautiful automobile would belong to him. "Been a long time. How are you doing?" Right now I am so utterly wonderful, I can not tell you what I am doing here or where I parked. Shut up with the small talk. Just let me look at you before you profess you undying love to me. "Wonderful. I'm wonderful. And it looks like you are doing good too eh?" Go ahead, give me the signal. One motion and I hop in this car with you and we drive off into the sunset. Give me a reason. "Still got your red wrangler?" The one we laid across the hood on, watching the stars and drinking champane from each other lips? The one you would sneak over and polish for me before you left a flower on my seat? "No, I drive a Cherokee wagon now."I cried as I watched that wrangler pull out of my driveway for the last time. Same as I cried after telling you goodbye. "Mom, here I am. Let's go see the smoke." "Is this one yours?" "Yes, one of them."That is what fleeting across his face? Surprise? Disappointment? Envy?I do not think to make introductions. I just stand and grin as K2 tugs my hand impatiently and takes off a cross the parking lot towards the bleachers. "I have to get back to my family now." Oh shit. I forgot I have one. If my legs work, I will try to tear myself away, but right now I am memorizing your handsome face and your words to relive at every available moment. "Well, it was sure good to see you again Kay." My tongue is paralyzed. I have nothing to say. I have a world to tell him. "Your still as beautiful as ever." I smile and wave and turn to run a catch up with my son. "Who was that man Mom?" "An old friend." "Did I ever meet him before?" "No, I knew him before you were born." "Did you know you got meat stuck in between your front teeth?" "Where's our seats, I need to sit down." The contest was won by a large 2003 pickup owned by a local pizza delivery owner/driver who blew his tire and burned with his hazard lights blinking and his pizza sign lit up as he spun. I bet that pizza man dreams of this day every day he works.
The grand finale was a monster truck that crushed a line of cars for Jesus. It was driving by an older man who resembled a member of ZZ Top in a jumpsuit. He stood on the danced across the roofs of the cars he was about to demolish with his mike in hand, thanking the good Lord for the cars he was about to crush, I let out a gaffaw of delight. I'm not sure of the correlation between the son of God and pulverising junkers with an oversized truck, my head was back in the smoky clouds, at that point, but I'm sure it was profound.